I had been thinking a lot lately about all the things I wish I had shared on here as Cora is getting older. It seems that the more behind I get the more I just feel like I want to give up because I could never get caught up. I sometimes get very all-or-nothing about things.
But every day is so precious! I just have to make time and get right back on here even when I couldn't for a while because life just got too busy. I want to look back and read my blog posts and think, "Wow, I remember when she did that. Where does the time go?"
Where does the time go?!
My Cora is almost one. I feel sad and happily anticipating her next stage all at the same time. A dear friend told me today that she missed reading on here and that did it for me; I have to keep writing. I have to do it as often as I can. These moments are so fleeting, and I am one who has a hard time remembering very specific things in life after it has been too long. And this is my only written record.
I am sitting at my kitchen table with the fire roaring in the fireplace thinking back to a year ago at this time. I didn't know anything. I had barely ever changed a diaper, much less knew what kind of a parent I would be. All I could think about at the time was how uncomfortable I was and this pregnancy thing sure was the pits.
Who was this little Cora going to be (she finally had a name after much deliberating)? How was I going to know what she needed? What if I dropped her? How bad is the sleep deprivation really going to be? What is she was colicky and cried all the time and I had no idea what to do for her?
What did I know? Nothing. I couldn't know anything until I had experienced it all for myself. No amount of baby book reading or advice asking was going to help me. In fact most of the stuff I read was not even accurate or helpful. One must really pick and choose what to believe or use as a child rearing tool in books. In fact just chucking them out the window and going with your instincts will get you on the right path nearly every time. No one knows my child like I do.
Who knew that I would go completely against our pediatrician's advice and decide that I did not want to let my child cry herself to sleep at a young age? And even when we went backwards with the sleeping and she never really slept through the night, or even longer than six hours consistently, I still couldn't bring myself to follow the advice of the sleep books I was reading and what our pediatrician and multiple wonderful friends had told me to do. Who knew that now, at 11 months, if I was asked to name two things I love most about parenting that make me feel truly connected to Cora, I would say without hesitation - breastfeeding and co-sleeping? I never would have pegged myself as such a hippie character when it came to parenting. But I am.
Who knew that things I used to find important in my life would fade away to nothing in those moments as I held my little one? I used to love to watch movies. I rarely watch television anymore. I used to say that I will never, ever own a minivan and no one can make me. I just don't even care anymore. Does it run? Is it convenient for toting children in? OK, I'll take it. I'm sure we will get one eventually. I used to enjoy a glass of wine or two with dinner or more on occasion. Now I am afraid to ever drink too much to the point where I would not be at full brain capacity if anything were to ever happen to Cora, so I just gave it up entirely (and for other, longer reasons). I don't even miss it at all. I used to love going out to eat. Now I like to have all of my paraphernalia for feeding Cora conveniently, so I would just rather stay at home and cook.
I never could have imagined this love that I have. Different than any love that I have ever known. I want the very best for my Cora. And not the best in material things but the best of character. I want her to learn to be kind, generous, patient, sweet, merciful, thoughtful, caring. All of this and more I want for my precious girl.
She is God's child. Just on loan to me for this tiny amount of time. I want to teach her about Him and how he changed her Momma's life in so many ways. I want her to know Him for herself.
I want to remember these beautiful moments.
But every day is so precious! I just have to make time and get right back on here even when I couldn't for a while because life just got too busy. I want to look back and read my blog posts and think, "Wow, I remember when she did that. Where does the time go?"
Where does the time go?!
My Cora is almost one. I feel sad and happily anticipating her next stage all at the same time. A dear friend told me today that she missed reading on here and that did it for me; I have to keep writing. I have to do it as often as I can. These moments are so fleeting, and I am one who has a hard time remembering very specific things in life after it has been too long. And this is my only written record.
I am sitting at my kitchen table with the fire roaring in the fireplace thinking back to a year ago at this time. I didn't know anything. I had barely ever changed a diaper, much less knew what kind of a parent I would be. All I could think about at the time was how uncomfortable I was and this pregnancy thing sure was the pits.
Who was this little Cora going to be (she finally had a name after much deliberating)? How was I going to know what she needed? What if I dropped her? How bad is the sleep deprivation really going to be? What is she was colicky and cried all the time and I had no idea what to do for her?
What did I know? Nothing. I couldn't know anything until I had experienced it all for myself. No amount of baby book reading or advice asking was going to help me. In fact most of the stuff I read was not even accurate or helpful. One must really pick and choose what to believe or use as a child rearing tool in books. In fact just chucking them out the window and going with your instincts will get you on the right path nearly every time. No one knows my child like I do.
Who knew that I would go completely against our pediatrician's advice and decide that I did not want to let my child cry herself to sleep at a young age? And even when we went backwards with the sleeping and she never really slept through the night, or even longer than six hours consistently, I still couldn't bring myself to follow the advice of the sleep books I was reading and what our pediatrician and multiple wonderful friends had told me to do. Who knew that now, at 11 months, if I was asked to name two things I love most about parenting that make me feel truly connected to Cora, I would say without hesitation - breastfeeding and co-sleeping? I never would have pegged myself as such a hippie character when it came to parenting. But I am.
Who knew that things I used to find important in my life would fade away to nothing in those moments as I held my little one? I used to love to watch movies. I rarely watch television anymore. I used to say that I will never, ever own a minivan and no one can make me. I just don't even care anymore. Does it run? Is it convenient for toting children in? OK, I'll take it. I'm sure we will get one eventually. I used to enjoy a glass of wine or two with dinner or more on occasion. Now I am afraid to ever drink too much to the point where I would not be at full brain capacity if anything were to ever happen to Cora, so I just gave it up entirely (and for other, longer reasons). I don't even miss it at all. I used to love going out to eat. Now I like to have all of my paraphernalia for feeding Cora conveniently, so I would just rather stay at home and cook.
I never could have imagined this love that I have. Different than any love that I have ever known. I want the very best for my Cora. And not the best in material things but the best of character. I want her to learn to be kind, generous, patient, sweet, merciful, thoughtful, caring. All of this and more I want for my precious girl.
She is God's child. Just on loan to me for this tiny amount of time. I want to teach her about Him and how he changed her Momma's life in so many ways. I want her to know Him for herself.
I want to remember these beautiful moments.
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