Remember

Today is an official day to remember. But I remember every day.

I thought of you every time I looked in the mirror. It's amazing how much faster the outwards signs show the second time around.

I picked out a shirt for your sister to wear to tell Daddy. It said "Big Sister" in bright pink glitter.

We happily wrote out our top names in sidewalk chalk in the back yard. It doesn't rain often here in the summer, so the names remained for quite a while before we hosed them off prior to having company. We didn't want to give it away. We had a girl name and a boy name ready from that list. We smiled when we spoke of them.

We brought your sister to the ultrasound. We wanted her to be as ready as possible to welcome you.

She wandered happily around the room as the doctor told us he couldn't find a heartbeat. 

He looked me in the eye and said that it could be too early and maybe I had calculated wrong.

But I knew.

I looked at my beloved's pale face and saw.

He knew.

While we were planning and dreaming, you had slipped away quietly to be with Jesus.

We waited a week to be sure. I wondered if my body would figure out that you weren't growing.

We knew what would happen when we returned to that ultrasound room. But what we didn't know was that you were two.

Identical twins. 

Something he had not noticed before. He was sorry for our loss.

Another week passed and we officially lost you by way of a medical procedure. My body didn't want to know that you were gone. But my heart knew.

I want you to know. That I will always remember you. That you were loved and wanted. That one day I will hold you both in my arms when this life is past. That there will be no more tears.

And that my beloved Father is my comfort. 

He always knows. 
And I trust Him.