Remember

Today is an official day to remember. But I remember every day.

I thought of you every time I looked in the mirror. It's amazing how much faster the outwards signs show the second time around.

I picked out a shirt for your sister to wear to tell Daddy. It said "Big Sister" in bright pink glitter.

We happily wrote out our top names in sidewalk chalk in the back yard. It doesn't rain often here in the summer, so the names remained for quite a while before we hosed them off prior to having company. We didn't want to give it away. We had a girl name and a boy name ready from that list. We smiled when we spoke of them.

We brought your sister to the ultrasound. We wanted her to be as ready as possible to welcome you.

She wandered happily around the room as the doctor told us he couldn't find a heartbeat. 

He looked me in the eye and said that it could be too early and maybe I had calculated wrong.

But I knew.

I looked at my beloved's pale face and saw.

He knew.

While we were planning and dreaming, you had slipped away quietly to be with Jesus.

We waited a week to be sure. I wondered if my body would figure out that you weren't growing.

We knew what would happen when we returned to that ultrasound room. But what we didn't know was that you were two.

Identical twins. 

Something he had not noticed before. He was sorry for our loss.

Another week passed and we officially lost you by way of a medical procedure. My body didn't want to know that you were gone. But my heart knew.

I want you to know. That I will always remember you. That you were loved and wanted. That one day I will hold you both in my arms when this life is past. That there will be no more tears.

And that my beloved Father is my comfort. 

He always knows. 
And I trust Him.

Ariana's Under The Sea Birthday Party

Yesterday we went to one of the most amazing birthday parties I have ever been to. A couple from our church who we have been able to get to know through our small group have a daughter, Ariana, who just turned four.

Her party was themed "Under the Sea," and we entered their house to experience a craft time of making colored sand jars, finding the "treasure" in the sand box, and making jellyfish out of paper bowls and curl ribbon. All the while there was loads of sea-themed, kid-friendly food and the soundtrack to The Little Mermaid playing in the background.

The "cake" involved individual frozen dough in a cupcake form with cotton candy ice cream in the middle and a whale tail made of white chocolate coming out of the ice cream. I wish I had taken a picture of that!

As we left, Cora was invited to raid the "treasure chest" and pick a few things to go in her individual treasure box.

Seahorses with cutouts letters inside saying, Happy Birthday Ariana

finding treasure in the sandbox

time for presents!

(L toR) Fish bar, under sea pasta salad, octopus dip, fruit of the sea
in the middle is a beautiful sandpaper castle

Aimee found the outside toy box

my favorite: sand pudding (pudding with layers of crushed vanilla wafers and oreos)

PB & J cutout as dolphins

the birthday girl

fresh ocean water

sea foam, ocean pearls (cake pop-like wonderfulness), ocean jello (blue jello with a fish in the middle)

waiting for her last gift, a new bike from Mom and Dad

making a jellyfish with Daddy

the crayons were stars that Megan had made by melting down old crayons and placing them in star-shaped molds

hanging fish; on the right there was a net with fish hanging in the doorway that I didn't get on camera 

My Escapist

getting treasure from the lovely hostess 

A Day At The Beach

Yesterday it was 87 degrees at my house! It has never been that hot since we moved here. Inland a little ways, yes, but not right where we live.

Cora and I took advantage of our gorgeous day (Sean was working) by meeting a friend and her baby at the beach.

I was a little nervous taking a video of her down by the water. She is so fast and would easily dart off into the surf, since she really has no sense of danger yet. But we managed a slightly successful video.